Well, i supposedly shouldn't be here at this time (its the exam week). I supposedly be studying and focus on my final. But, I can't help myself to write. I love writing and writing helps me to express my feelings. I feel a lot better when I write or if I talk to myself in front of the mirror LOL.
I have been thinking (more to wondering) on life, what I have been doing for the past 5 years and what I should be doing in the future. Come to think about it, I really don't know how I actually survived pharmacy school. Its already the final semester yo, and its the final exam of ALL (no its not acute lymphocytic leukemia) examinations! Recently, there is this one story of a girl gone viral, she graduated from med school, sharing how she coped with medical school and stuffs. She did gave up on her studies few times but finally she made it! But her one sentence saying that 'pharmacology is the toughest among all' made me realize on something. How do I survive 4 freaking years in this pharmacy school studying and remembering all the drugs and its pharmacology??!!
People might be saying you've got the brain. You can memorise easily. You are one tough cookie, yadaa yadaa. But truth is I do need to struggle along this journey. It is not an easy task. I dont know for others, but for me yes I am not born as a genius and I sometimes feel like giving up. Not really sometimes but most of the time HAHAHA. So should I be proud of myself now? I believe that each and every one of us struggles every day, in our own way.
My degree life has its up and down, really. For people who are not really close to me and only know me from superficial, their impression would be like you have a bright future ahead, you are talented, you are smart, you are good in building rapport and making connections etc etc. Well, I am not denying all that (not to boost up myself I swear), but I just want to say that it really took a lot of efforts to reach that. And we decide on what we want to show to people out there. Takkan nak tunjuk benda buruk pasal diri sendiri kan?
But I got to say this, who ever expected that this bright-future-ahead-talented and smart girl failed one of the subject. Yes, you read that right. I failed one of the paper in semester 7 and only God knows how it feels like. I feel like a really stupid student, I dont deserve to be a pharmacist, I made my parents frustrated and I should only stopped pharmacy school. Tinggal tak commit suicide je astaghfirullahalazim. Its all because of that one subject. I dont know how to face my friends, I am afraid that I cannot be graduating on time and people will know about it. How am I going to face the world? And the most important thing is people will judge me. For everything that I said, people will take it for granted. That is the thing that I'm afraid the most. But Alhamdulillah, I have friends that always support me and my supporting ibu as well!!
Well, its pretty clear here that things might not be working out like what we planned. You will fall sometimes but you need to get up and start walking back. Don't be afraid to start over cause its a chance to create something better this time. For whatever happened in the past, I'm grateful because they have their own lessons. My ups and downs in finishing BPharm will always remain as a good memory. I appreciate myself a little bit more than before. I don't judge people from whatever they showed to the world. I learned not to be too hard on myself sometimes. And I am glad for everything that happened, they just happened and each have their own reasons.
Naa, it turned out that I already made a lengthy post. I should really back on studying. Maybe, I will talk on what to do after I finish degree on my next post? Until then, thanks for reading my stories!
Jun 22, 2017
With the name of Allah the Most Gracious and Most Merciful
Day 1 (05/06)
Today is the second week of attachment. And first day of attachment in Ramadhan. So, starting today I cant enjoy all the food in cafeteria anymore L But well the best part is we are allowed to go back at 3 pm! Hihi yeay! This week rotation made us to be in Nephro Ward. First impression? A bit scary because I am not really good in renal, kidney, nephro and etc. But this is the time to learn, aite? So, first day is umm a bit of leisure day since our preceptor is not in. So, Oya and me choose our case to clerk. There are soooooooo many people in this unit T_T and mostly presenting with CKD on HD T_T Okay, so we clerk and discuss our case. And then tetiba je its already 3 pm haha time flies so fast during this fasting month uhuk
Day 2 (06/06)
Today, we will meet Puan Ruwaida. Umm feeling nervous a bit, but then she turn out to be someone that is so sporting! Whyyyy all the pharmacists that I meet here semua baik baik uwaaa nak nangis sebab seronok sangat! She corrected our PCI and siap tolong tuliskan sekali dalam cp2 form tu tau! Sempoinya alahai pastu asyik gelak gelak je dengan dia hahaha best discussion ever memang tak stress, no anxiety, no nervous at all.
Day 3 (07/06)Oh today I am a bit emotional. My patient that I clerk passed away this afternoon. Pagi pagi pergi check progress note and then noted that patient is gasping, sweaty and coolish peripheries. Then, memang commence CPR STAT but patient vomit blood coffee ground. Pastu dah cuak dah bila baca progress note. Thennnn, check sekali lagi around 1 pm patient is already pronounced death at 12.10 pm because of UGIB. Diagnosis is CRBSI caused of ESRF. (Sorry too much jargon here, kalau HCP maybe faham lah kot). But then, sedih sangat. It makes me realised that how close death is to us T________T . And how important proper management to patient to prevent further complications.
Day 4 (08/06)
Final day, we have another discussion with Puan Ruwaida. Its to finalise and to update on our cases with Puan Ruwaida. PCI pun dah much better dah bila masuk second week ni. Takda lah terkial kial cari PCI lagi. And then, before end discussion, sesi QnA sikit dengan Puan Ruwaida, She graduated from UM and kawan PASUM dengan Dr Azyati haha patut lah perangai pun sama je. Gila gila je dedua orang ni. Pastu jadi pharmacist berjaya pulak tuuu uwaaa jelesss! Eh takkk, inspiration haa gitu!
And thats the end of Week 2 in Nephrology Ward. Learnt a LOT OF NEW KNOWLEDGE especially on CKD, ESRF, HD and those related stuffs. Well, I used to dislike all about kidney previously (during high school). Sebab dulu kat sekolah tak faham bila belajar pasal kidney ni hahaha so I simply dislike it. But now, rasa macam nephrology is an important part kot. Its main excretory system for the body so kena lah tahu kan. I think thats all for Week 2, lets wait for next week in Cardio Unit! xoxo
written on 12:17 AM
May 27, 2017
Today is the first day of attachment. This final semester we need to undergo a 4-weeks clinical attachment in the ward. And I’ve been attached to Hospital Serdang. Not really sure how will it goes but according to seniors, Serdang Hospital sangat best! (Im hoping the same thing will happen to us this year). So like previously, I need to wake up at 4.15 am because well I took 1 hour plus minus to get ready. We need to go out early and be ready at faculty before 5.30 am. First impression when I reach here is besaqnyaa cantiknyaa hospital! Hospital baru kan mestilah lawa dan canggih. After briefing session, we meet with our preceptor Miss Lai whose in charge with Male Medical Ward 7C. First day, we go and clerk 2 cases. Our first case is really a long case, jenuh gak aaa nak habiskan progression notes and medication chart. But then, it’s easier because we can access the HIS and everything is recorded there. Our second case is just a simpler one, very simple because he just admitted to the ward.
Me, Aten and Ama join the morning ward round with specialist, MO and HO. Miss Lai as the clinical pharmacist is there too. I am so amazed how pharmacist did the intervention during the ward round. Also on how the specialist including MO discuss the recommendation by pharmacist. Like they really work together as one healthcare team.I mean like (from the stories I heard), usually physicians are not really ‘accepting’ the recommendation from pharmacist. And even sometimes they might end up quarrelling over the best therapeutic plan for the patient. To look it from a bright side, actually whether you are a pharmacist or a physician, we want the best therapeutic plan for the patient. So yeah, this is a common thing happened in practice. After lunch, we just completed the case that we clerked and try to understand fully the case.
It’s the presentation day! Last night, Oya and me, we were both so exhausted that we didn’t manage to complete our slide. So, this morning we are so busy completing and discussing on our case. Presentation to Miss Lai goes well. We discuss on the PCI a lot! Miss Lai is totally such a woman crush. She is a clinical pharmacist, have lots of knowledge, beautiful, kind, talk softly and so many more! Wish that I can be like her one day. We finished our presentation just about lunch hour. And yeay we are free after that teehee!
25/05Last day for this week at medical ward. Since we have done our presentation, literally we did nothing today except for killing time. We discussed on the case and how to do the report etc. Then, we can have our own time. Pastu, the best part is balik awal today yay! Oh yaa, this is our last day before Ramadhan starts. We will go home at 3pm during Ramadhan. It is because our Dean is so concerned on us that we need to wake up early in the morning and only to reach Palam almost Maghrib. So she give us the approval to go back early yay!
written on 3:03 PM
May 10, 2017
With the name of Allah the Most Gracious and Most Merciful
So its already May. I have been wanting to do blogging (so badly) but I always ended up doing other things. Always and always good at procrastination.
Can’t believe the fact that I’m leaving this place in another approximately 2 months time. A place with thousand of memories. A place that thought me to be better and wiser, in all aspects. A place where I learned to survive living alone and start everything from scratch. Yes from scratch. And I never regret of that.
6 years ago (back in 2012), this is the place where I started my first tertiary education. And it was my first time being apart from my family. I had never thought that I am coming again to this place for my undergraduate studies. But, He is the best Planner and He knows what is the best for each of us. And yet, I really love my undergraduate years here. UITM Di Hatiku!
Okay sekejap nak fikir apa tujuan buat post ni haha hmm I actually wanted to rant over something but come to think about it again, I don’t think that is feasible because yeah I know lots of people (whom I knew) actually read my blog. So no, I just want all the positive vibes in my blog. Although my desire for blogging will be at its peak whenever I am at my lowest point.
A year passed by so quickly, like really quick. I still remember my first hospital attachment last year in Hospital Putrajaya (oh I love everything about HPJ!). And now, its my junior’s turn. And we are now the senior who will be having the 4-weeks-of-clinical-attachment and also the longest hospital attachment among these 3 semesters. I actually really looking forward for this attachment (no not a nerdy geek) but I don’t know I just get excited. Mungkin juga because its the longest hospital attachment sebab I suka duduk hospital. But surely its also nerve-wrecking because I don’t know whether I am ready physically, mentally or whether I am ready with all the clinical knowledge. But I'm excited to clerk case and acting like a real pharmacist (hmm too much maybe?) I'll talk about my hospital attachment in next post, maybe? (kalau rajin!)
For sure ilmu di dada belum cukup but to think on the other side, I like the practical session more and I believe we can learn more in that way. But of course with a theoretical session beforehand. So I need to constantly remind myself to REVISE and REVISE and PREPARED MYSELF before the practical session. We have like another 11 more days to go. Haa ambik kau sempat ke nak cover semua ilmu klinikal dalam 11 HARI! Mohon doakan yuk kawan kawan :’)
Semoga Allah melapangkan dada dalam menuntut ilmu dan semoga ilmu yang belajar dapat dimanfaatkan untuk kesejahteraan umat. Amiinnn.
So lets start having a productive days ahead, pretty please. Man jadda wajada!
p/s : its so hard to give this post a title because I dont have any theme pun
written on 12:56 AM