Dec 30, 2016

2016 - I'm Ready to Let You Go

I'm ready. 

I'm ready to let you go. I'm ready to bid a goodbye to my favorite parts of you, the special memories, the moments I wish I could rewind. I'm ready to let them go, I'm ready to loosen my grip and welcome new ones. I'm ready to let the moments I loved slip through my fingers and go make new ones. 

I learned.
I learned the lessons you were trying to teach me. I learned from the pain, from the heartbreak, from the betrayal, from the tears, from the mistakes and from my own shortcomings. I learned the hard ones; you were hard on me sometimes but I’m thankful for the lessons because I hope I’m a little bit wiser, a little bit stronger and a lot more resilient because of them.

I forgive you.
I forgive you for putting me through hard times, I forgive you for not making the good times last longer, I forgive you for being stubborn, for not turning things exactly the way I want them to and I mostly forgive you for all the lonely nights. In a way, they made me fearless, in a way, they taught me how to enjoy my own company and in a way, they made me unafraid of loneliness.

I love you.
I love you for all the blessings you gave me, for the times I spent smiling, for the all the times I laughed with my friends and the times I stayed up talking to someone I love. I love you for the moments when you made me feel invincible and for the moments you made me feel alive and for the ones that will live me with me forever. I love you for being so memorable, so unforgettable and so breathtaking.

I’ll miss you.
It’s strange, because you weren’t perfect but you still had a special place in my heart. Something about you was pivotal, something about you was comforting, something about you felt safe, like coming home after a long time, like I’m finally on the right track, in the right direction. Unlike all other years, you left an impact, you felt right.

2017 — I’m ready.
I don’t know what to expect, I don’t know what you hold for me, I don’t know if you’ll be better or worse, but I know I’m ready for you. I know that I can handle the bad moments and embrace the great moments. I know that I’m open to learning and appreciating why things won’t turn out the way I wish they could. I’m ready because I’m letting go of the past and willing to start over with you. I’m ready to buy a new book with empty pages so we can write the story together. I’m ready for you to give me a wonderful story to write.

Take my hand and take your pen and let’s work together as a team, for the first time, I’m on your side and I’m willing to work with you.

2017, I haven’t met you yet but I’m already in love with you.

Sep 26, 2016

Struggles of Third Year BPharm

Assalamualaikum and helloooooo final year! :)

I have been waiting for this day to come where I actually passed my so-terribly-tiring-and-exhausting-third-year of BPharm! Alhamdulillah feeling macam dah habis degree hahaha my third year sangatlah menyeksakan and please I dont wanna repeat it again. Result pun walaupun tidaklah seindah mana namun lulus semua subjek. So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny? :') Although I know I did not focus on my final exam so much huhu

So yeah sudah lah berhuhu and lets have a recap on what I have been doing in my third year. Kena lah ingat penat lelah dan perit jerih kehidupan kan so that we will always appreciate what we have today.

Paling takkan dilupakan, the struggle of FINAL YEAR PROJECT. Nama je lah final year tapi kalau bpharm uitm ni kena buat time third year. I dont know why they want to compress everything during this third year dengan subjek subjek yang mencabar ni alahai. So my FYP is not on lab work but on clinical basis. My research is a qualitative one using questionnaire and I need to find respondents about 300 ++. But the best part is that I learn a lot through out the process. Since my SV jenis yang suruh cari information sendiri, I think that is where I learnt the best. I can understand now how to do a research and how to write dissertation as well. Together with how to produce a good poster presentation juga. Thank you madam Ez you are the best sv ever! Although FYP is like a nightmare but I enjoy doing it because it is something that I always look for since my first year. Alhamdulillah managed to get an A+ for research I and research II. Its something that I can always be proud of :')

MyPSA Public Health Officer equals ME. I love to do something that can challenge my capabilities so that is one of the reason I took this position although we are already warned of how hectic third year will be. Well, at first I thought that I can go through this although it surely will not be easy but I thought that I can survive. I have high self confidence sometimes :p But.....there were times that I cant managed even myself. And it is not once or twice but I remember it was like more than few times that I feel like wanna run away from all these things. I cant even handle stress anymore like I used to. Its when everything come at once and all I wanna do is to walk away. But Alhamdulillah again I dont know where the strength comes from but I actually survived this one year! Double triple yeay! I enjoyed working with all the people I met and surely I can build up a good rapport with so many important people. Here comes the advantages of being MyPSA Excos ;)

Love Hate Relationship? No its not a love hate relationship actually but third year (semester 6 to be precise) really plays around with my emotions. I struggle with my studies, my works as well as my heart. I watched people come and go and how people can be so mean at times. I am so grateful to be surrounded with beautiful souls around me whom I know will always be there for me. How you deal with memories and how you deal with people who self proclaimed to be 'treating you nicely' where actually they dont. Well, I live with quote that 'everyone do not have the same way of thinking as you'. So that is actually keeping me to be tolerate with everything. Now, I really wanted to focus on my studies and improving myself . Until that 'sparks' to be live again, I would rather have a relationship with my own self. Preparing for a better future for myself and my family. And reserving myself until the right time comes.

Till we meet in the next entry, xoxo!